I’m trying a new form of writing, won’t mind a honest critic and maybe a befitting title

Her waist trapped in the confines of the ileke
She dances to the Ntugu dance clad
in nothing but a small wrapper to hide her very privacy
Her ample bosom, round like moulds of sculpted balls,
soft like the makings of a feather, fresh like tapped palm-oil, a vivacious colour;
a magnet of some sort jiggling as she moves to the rhythm of the sound
Her legs going off in majestic surrender in sync with every beat
She owns her body and wills it to move
She opens her mask, underneath lies the fine angles her face is contoured to have –
her hair a rich black velvety colour likened to that of the raven
Her mouth forms the shape of a man’s heart and holds a kiss at the side
Her hips belie the Creator’s touch – moulded, refined, carved and obedient to the Potter’s hands
Her pupils, the colour of liquid amber
going ablaze
as they play hide and seek with dusk
Her skin a creamy chocolate that makes one reminisce of expensive chocolate only shown through glass – deep, rich, a smooth, silky colour begging for tactile contact
Her voice, a symphony of wind chimes, oasis and waterfalls
that leaves the orchestra in a mediocre state
As she carves her space in the village square
She moves like a goddess in reverence
Drops of sweat like little crystals send sparkles that illuminate her skin
She dances with careless abandon and forgets she has
An audience
Her lips open up in an indulgent praise of the Kalabari river
Her ileke splashes violently against her body
Threatening to suffocate her
Still she refuses to bulge, like one possessed by
a demon, she throws her body wildly
with no regard for earth, she lifts her body in one final thrust and
Falls to the ground, her feet planting itself with
a loud thud
Like a veil lifted from the face of a bride,
She notices for the first time the crowd she acquires
An enigma of some sort – The brown skin girl begs no pardon

Pulchae

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2 Comments

  1. Not bad at all. Some typos here and there and then I think the arrangement can be made to look more like a poem (i’m not sure how to do this, I’m not a poet lol)

    But I like it. Still trying to caption it lol

    Like

  2. Interesting. But could certainly be more interesting.

    The length and diction make this more poetic than prosaic so, like HLBlue said, the arrangement, if more poetic, would have helped. Also, there should be a climax. A point being made. A reason why we’re reading this. An end that would have made beginning worthwhile. This is interesting but does not quite climax.

    Good one.

    Like

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