Some people say I live in dream land, I say my ideals are just different. I could be realistic but sometimes I prefer to be idealistic. Let me help you understand with this illustration;
I believe friends MUST always seek out each other on daily basis even if it’s just for a nano second, but in the real world even the best of friends may not talk for days on end.
You see how my ideal always clashes because I do follow it to the latter sometimes, and instead of positive feedback, I get results that negate each other. Over time, I have come to understand about friendships by reading books and listening to sermons and this led me to forge an acronym for it.
F ~ orgiveness/Fidelity: Two of the most important factors in weighing the value of your friendship with another. From experience, I’ve learnt that if a friend offends you and you claim forgiveness, then it should be closely followed by trust in that person again that is if you value him/her but if not, caution can be thrown to the wind and you may just have lost a friend for life.
Proverbs 17:9 NKJV
He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends.
Proverbs 27:6 NKJV
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
R ~ eciprocate/Relationship: In the time that we are in, it is wise to weigh the cost of claiming someone as a friend, but that is when a person is considered wise and loyal, I don’t see the need why emotions should be played with. Get to know, love and trust them. It is unwise to throw someone’s affections to the dogs especially a faithful person. It may backfire.
Proverbs 18:24 NKJV
A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
I ~ nfluence/Integrity of purpose: God considers friendship to be crucial in decision making, in destroying Sodom and Gomorrah, God questioned himself and said “Shall I hide from Abraham that which I want to do” – Genesis 18.17, even God understood the influence of a friend and the integrity that came in sharing the same vision. A friend must at every point be a source of positive influence in your life, why would you have a friend that brings you down? Some of the downfall that is/was recorded is through friendships. See Rehoboam 1 Kings 12.8-16
Proverbs 27:17 NKJV
As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.
E ~ motions: there’s a lot of emotion that goes into having a friend, you won’t believe the extreme anger, hate and sometimes revulsion you sometimes feel towards the person you claimed to love few minutes ago. That’s why it’s common knowledge that it’s the people closest to us who have the tendency to hurt us most. In understanding we are not perfect, it gets easier and then slowly accommodation sets in. As opposed to the negative emotions; your friends may exude from you the most honey in my belle, butterflies swiming heady emotions that turn your feet to jelly. Let’s just say they press the mumu button real good.
Proverbs 17:17 NKJV
A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.
N ~ eed: “it is not good for man to be alone” and Hezekiah Walker said “I need you to survive”. That’s it! Man cannot exist as a sole entity. That wasn’t how God planned it, even He exists as three-in-one. You can’t live alone, let people in. I wonder how Rapunzel must have felt up in that Tower by herself.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NKJV
Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.
Read 8, 11-12 too.
D ~ evotion: there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. Most times we exist in families and our family members may (not) be our friends but to have friends with our family, and out of it who are devoted to us – how sweet it is. The devotion that comes from a friend cannot and will never be equated with something else. Jonathan and David were devoted to each other against all odds, that’s rare.
I Samuel 18:1 NKJV
Now when he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.
S ~ incerity: I don’t subscribe to having a friend who can’t tell me the truth but in doing that, I really love when tact is employed. I’m with the school of thought that supports openly praising your friend but secretly admonishing, why would I want to disgrace my friend in public because I am correcting him/her; that’s foolish.
Proverbs 18:2 MSG
Fools care nothing for thoughtful discourse; all they do is run off at the mouth.
Proverbs 22:11 NKJV
He who loves purity of heart And has grace on his lips, The king will be his friend.
H ~ ardwork: something a friend of mine said to me made me laugh yesterday – “You make friendship seem like work” well, there’s a reason I laughed at that because work is necessary to keep things going, God emphasises the value of hardwork, I see friendships as work because
you don’t put work into something you are willing to see fail, and in taking pride in my friendship. I work for them. Have you ever been in a situation that you talked to someone every minute of the day; and somewhere down the line the person becomes a distant memory. If you can’t understand what went wrong, then know you didn’t put work into it. Most friendships are let go because one party feels the other doesn’t do any work.
Proverbs 27:10 NKJV
Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend, Nor go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; Better is a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.
Proverbs 22:29 NKJV
Do you see a man who excels in his work? He will stand before kings; He will not stand before unknown men.
I ~ nvolvement: Proverbs 27:9 NKJV
Ointment and perfume delight the heart, And the sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel.
I don’t see how you can have a friend and not get involved in their lives, work, family, career. The way I know I am a good friend is when their family members are asking after me on a day to day basis. When I’m memorable to them. That’s the hallmark.
P ~ artnership: Amos 3:3 NKJV
Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?
A rhetorical question but I will answer, NO! If two people do not have a common goal then they’ve become a recipe for disaster. Why would I want to be your friend if you don’t share my vision, support or add to/subtract from it for my greater good?
I’ve been really out on my turf today, my post is longer than I intended. Will continue tomorrow. Till then I leave you with this thought “how does friendship allow you be true to your philosophy?”