If I wasn’t

I wrote this a while back because I had series of unanswered questions but I didn’t feel up to posting as it happens most times… I might need feedback if you feel up to it.

If I wasn’t who I am,

Would I have sought a life of fame, a life filled with glitz and glamour? What if my life was that of Eva Mendes posing for every magazine and red carpet opportunities that presented itself, would I be happy? Fulfilled?

My hopes, my dreams, desires, will they have been the same or just a shadow of that which I thought I wanted?

If I wasn’t who I am,

Would I have been Beyonce, living like a socialite and getting invitations to be in the best shows in the world? What would I have loved, myself; life; peace – would I turn down requests and make up excuses not to accept invitations because I didn’t feel like attending?

If I wasn’t who I am,

Would I crush on that boy or want to have triplets as a first? Would I chase after the same demons or will I be cold-hearted and unyielding to circumstances? Would I make my own choices or let others make them for me while quietly killing me in the process?

If I wasn’t who I am,

Would I have been a geek and love the life that technology breathes? Would I have wanted my alone time with my gadgets, just to talk to them and understand their feelings; emotions; thoughts

If I wasn’t who I am,

Would I have permitted myself to be full of mystery, an enigma of sorts – a person who belied their emotions or left one puzzling till they walked away? Would I have loved God or feigned ignorance at the knowledge of Him? Would I have sought to live excellently or let my life be an entertainment of unresolved issues?

What would I have been I ask myself, it seems everywhere I turn the issue of contentment makes for a compelling case to self. What does it mean to be content? Does it present the best of relationships or pure love, or thoughtlessness of what I stood to gain by wanting success?

Does contentment mean I love myself less or just waiting the seconds before I decide enough is enough?

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