This Is What This Is

Originally posted on Random Musings:

When I started this blog, Future New Yorker, I didn’t really have a purpose for it except to occasionally keep an online journal and maybe force myself out of my comfort zone as far as my writing was concerned. Well, it grew and became much more than that. Apart from housing my Random Musings, FNY has become for me an opportunity to share my life and my faith.
During my hiatus, I began asking myself if I really wanted to come back to this space. I worried that it had probably outgrown its use. I’d also been thinking about taking my art seriously and wanted a different space to share that. I prayed about it but didn’t hear anything definite concerning the direction in which to take this blog. I also didn’t feel at peace about shutting it down completely. So I came back… Still wondering what the next step…

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UGLY DUCKLING

I met a girl once
with blemishes all over
her face, a dew eyed colour
her skin as coarse as earth would
allow
I met a girl once
cast away
her heart locked away
her complexion outshining the
darkness
I met a girl once
pushed aside by blames
judgments, noise,
condescension
I met a girl once
trampled by world’s
expectations
fragile, weak

A beautiful mind she possesses
Her heart like that of the angels
in heaven
she embraces herself and
becomes her own
she owns her mind
her thoughts, an aesthetic cascade

She blew my mind with her beauty
when she became that for which she was
created – she is now, no more was, and will be

Pulchae

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The Blueprint of Me

Originally posted on YINKUS PINKUS:

There are so many things going on in my mind right now, so permit a scattered post.
An outward reflection of my inner self; my heart and my mind.
The blueprint of ME.

You know how you make a mistake, go astray, then again find your way?
You know the hurt that you create and the scars left behind as evidence of mistakes made?
Well, I do hope you know..

You know how you then begin to look at those scars and start judging everything, yes life itself- through its depth?
How nothing else ever seems to be or become or look and feel as it used to?
How nothing ever returns to normal, simply because of the non-you?
The you that did the unthinkable, unimaginable, the unforgettable (if not unforgivable)..
You know, the you that isn’t really YOU at all?

Well, what I’ve learnt is that often, when we make…

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Best things in life

I find that the best things in life are free. Laughter, family, great friends who are committed and loyal to you, true love, God. Today I had the pleasure of laughing with my family, sharing jokes and experiencing contentment. There are moments like that where our hearts just sync to form a perfect harmony.
Those moments express themselves in the secrets we share as a family, the times we cry together or laugh together; share jokes that people can’t relate to.
Today, I experienced giving – to and from, my heart full of love. I also learnt that a moment changes everything, and time changes yesterday. I learnt to brace up and love beyond my doubts and see beyond the impossible.  I learnt to be surprised by the ones you least expect it from. I learnt to put down my thoughts to examine that of others;  to listen to understand than reply. I’ve learnt that people may pretend to not want attention but deep down, we all need someone to notice us.
I’ve learnt to let go and stop being afraid to love someone else; I’ve learnt that even if someone is crazy about you, circumstances can make them handicapped to tell you.
I’ve learnt more about my faith in God, spirituality and to always share the good news of Jesus.
Today has been a day of learning and I’m grateful for all the lessons.
The best things in life are indeed free.

Pulchae

Love: to be or not to be

So I went round the social media streets asking my friends what they thought of the ever controversial issue of love. The question I asked out of curiosity is – Is Love really a choice?
I’m going to be sharing most of the responses I got with you;
♡ Fifi: Yes it is, I can choose to love for what ever reason – Money, beauty, fame etc
♡ Amy mush pet: Hmm., I would say no but then people have different emotions. I think some people are more in control so they’re better at masking what they feel. So it seems like they don’t give a shit but they do, because some people don’t like to be vulnerable.
♡ O kissy: I don’t know, Is it? I don’t think it is, cuz some pple make standards and stuff of who they want but in d end,u really can’t help who you love.
♡ Mik Mik: Not in all cases, some people meet people and fall for them, while others decide to love based on the fact that someone loves them and choose to love the person back only for it to become a natural thing in the end. You can love someone and when they act up, you choose to stay with them regardless.
♡ Teddy bear: Yup, The emotion called love is something we can’t dictate. Falling in love n stuff like that. But loving, staying in love, acting in love; all decisions. U can love someone n not be with d person because they are bad news. U can love someone and choose to be with the person despite their bad side. U can love ur husband and choose to stay married even though u haven’t felt d spark in years because u know its there
♡ HLblue: Yes love is a choice and a feeling.
♡ Seunfunmi: It’s a choice but sometimes u meet someone so amazing they make that choice easy. U won’t always feel like loving someone though; No one is perfect. At the initial stage it’s all feelings.  But it’s not the love that sustains the promise to be with someone forever; It’s the promise that sustains the love.
♡ HBO: Yes from the biblical angle: love ur neighbour as urself goes to let us know that we shd choose to love others.. if there was no need 4 us 2 choose, if it was just gonna be a thing that just comes, then it won’t have been a big deal 2 mention it.. Dats love in general terms. – Now that’s from one point.. Intimate love as well is a choice.. u should love who you want to tie ur heart to.. if u choose right, u’ll be happy or otherwise, u’ll be sad.. dats what I think..

Those are varied opinions on the question.  I think it is more of a mandate than a choice;  following both the biblical path and how the society presents. Choices are limiting, and should be linked to emotions. Love to me has gone beyond an emotion. Most times, you have to go beyond what you think to that resolve; I love you – if I had to choose to love, trust me, I’ll automatically unlove a lot of people right now. As a mandate however, you realise that you can’t escape it. To love, one has to be patient, kind, not jealous, not rude, not boastful, hopeful, forgiving at all times – when it is being equated as a choice that means I can love the person but not forgive because in that respect, it has become something I have chosen and I may or may not decide to make any other effort that comes with it. I can choose to go with the good and leave the hard part of loving.
In some cases, making hard decisions for someone is also loving them – watching someone go through the pain of rehab or refusing to give something that you consider harmful to another irrespective of the other’s feelings or knowing it can lead to the person hating you for life. Yes, love isn’t a choice to me, it’s a mandate, knowledge that you abide by irrespective of circumstances.  Even at the intimate level – in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live – through cerebral ish and liver that, through skin defects and constant haemorrhage, through body odour and embarrassing circumstances. Is it really a choice? If it is,  I think one may choose to walk out too right?
Disregarding your freewill to go with the mandate however, is why it seems to be a choice.  Paul said if I speak with the tongues of angels and have not love, I am just a loud clanging cymbal that makes noise all over; and what do you do with a noisy instrument?

Pulchae

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Call Me “Small Mommy”

Originally posted on YINKUS PINKUS:

A friend’s mom passed away just a few days ago; and naturally- as you would assume and indeed expect any human being to feel about this- she is grieving.

..and it made me think: The cause of her grief..

No one ever really gives birth wishing to cause a beloved one grief.
No one ever really thinks about death when bringing forth life.
And yet, we start dying the moment we are the most alive: on the day we are born.
There and then starts the journey of life: the journey of discovering who you are, the journey towards death.

Now, her loss made me think..

It made me remember her background.
Her unknown, absent father.
Her search for identity.
Aspects of her lifestyle I vehemently disapproved of.
Her own worries and struggles I could not always understand or relate to.

And so, in an attempt to cheer her up…

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