I haven’t pressed in a while, not like there’s nothing to say – I think I just got to the level of letting it all pass, swallowing it up and moving forward to another day. I know it’s cliché for most writers to let their beginning line after long periods to be “sorry guys I’ve been out of touch” or like I started with but somehow I think we feel a sense of responsibility to all who take out time to read us especially since we are not gossip bloggers like the likes of Linda Ikeji or the infamous article/real life/short stories blog – nakedconvos etc.
A lot of us, I inclusive share a bit of ourselves every time we have to pen down not because we cannot create short amusing works of arts but, just because we have decided to let our lives be the lessons we need to portray, we decide to be judged by baring it all out than the intellects we may or may not pen down.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, especially in regards to relationships with people, same and opposite sex alike; I’ve come to realise that I still have a lot of learning to do – I used to pride myself in being selfless but these days I seek to expose myself. I feel as if I’m living one big fat lie and one day everyone will ask me to fess up. I see the selfish bit of me, the uncaring and unreasonable person I can be and I’m wondering to myself, am I ready to share my life with someone else; it’s not just my opposite sex relationships that brought this on, but same sex relationships still leave me with questions.
Am I really a Christian enough to know right and wrong? How do I know I’m really as good as I think, or people claim that I am. I have a lot of these questions forming in my head.
I’ve realised that every relationship I have, I have been blessed with. It is not my right to claim that I did it on my own or I am entitled to it. Everything is an added blessing like my career, laughter, health. So many things, what if it gets taken away. I am grateful; at least it keeps me grateful.
I am getting to that point where I get satisfied with all I’m getting without asking for more, asking why I don’t have this or that? Who says it’s my right to own them or have them? Who says I deserve them? The fact that time and chance happened to me doesn’t give me that right to brag. It’s just as it is – a lot of people have perfect lives yet are still not content.
I think the key thing here is learning contentment – which the good book says added with godliness is great gain.